Hey, what's up?
I’ve been hearing "you're different" since I was a kid. I never really knew what that meant and still really don't. In my mind, I'd ask "aren't we all supposed to be unique?" I knew it theoretically, but that self-acceptance didn't come until later... much later. I spent a lot of my adolescent years being a chameleon. I knew very well within myself I was "being fake", but being accepted was more important.
That is no longer the case. Feeding the status quo is diametrically opposed to everything I know myself to be. There's no way I can live with myself knowing I'm betraying myself. Naturally, this attitude is reflected in everything I do, including the music I make.
In a world where everyone is different just enough to fit in, I'm an anomaly. Being so sometimes feels like a stigma that dooms me to failure. This is the narrative I've constructed in my head based on my experiences. Being human, this narrative works against me a lot. It's like a virus in the operating system running the hardware of me. It makes me feel like maybe I should just give up and fit in again just so living will be easier; miserable but easier.
These moments of self-doubt and confusion can either last a few minutes or the rest of my day and more. Being more acclimated and sensitive to these mental vicissitudes, I have found a strategy for countering their negative influence. I simply shift my perspective. I think about all the benefits I've reaped from being different and how it has served me positively and constructively in life. Believe me, those moments are too many to count. This simple practice I find saves me from the self-defeating downward spiral of destructive thinking.
This week's song A Different Difference is an example of me doing just that. I was replaying an old conversation mentally, where someone told me I was too different. Not knowing how to take it, it started to drive me down the rabbit hole of mental self-flagellation. I decided then and there to write a song celebrating my difference instead of looking at it as a flaw. After all, life is all perspective; that is the one thing one can control.