Hey, what’s up?
Hope you had a good week!
It’s interesting how pain and trauma are a part of the human experience. I suppose that's why the opposite is true, that we get to experience pleasure and joy. However, in my experience, nothing can change you more than trauma.
Trauma comes in different forms just as humans come in different bodies. Inevitably everyone has to carry their own weight. How one carries this weight determines the kind of body one has.
For years, I didn’t realize I was an angry person. I just thought it was the way to be, after all everyone around me was the same. Being tough was a survival mechanism we all used. But it’s hard to be tough without anger. The more genuine the anger, the tougher you seemed. Eventually, you realize this connection and look for more opportunities to be angry without even realizing you’re doing it. That’s the vicious cycle that I was caught up in, perpetuating my own misery.
Anger is the worst high ever, and it's very addictive. It only feels good when it comes out, but the damage it causes outweighs the intoxication. If it can do all that damage out here, imagine what it does inside your body. Unfortunately, this becomes your way of life until it dawns on you that it doesn’t have to be.
Anger, I now know, is a lousy response to hurt. But like all habits, it takes tremendous work and effort to change. Gaining that initial momentum is the hardest. Ice melts a little bit before it melts a lot, no matter how hot it is; so it is with a cold heart. This week’s song Feel Again is about my personal journey from the cold and the healing that took place as a result.