Hey, what's up?
I hope you had a great week.
The human experience happens in the gray area between light and dark; between knowing and not knowing. Living in this realm is not without its associated costs. It’s actually very expensive; the emotional toll of simply being alive can be crippling. Add that to the nagging itch to know never goes away. Some are able to quiet the grumblings of this hunger by getting lost in the noise of sight, the noise of light, the noise of life. However, in silence, the constant yearning persists. The hunger never dies and never will, just like no one meal can cure you permanently of hunger.
I decided very early on to let this hunger consume me. Getting temporarily fueled by half-truths and myths based on other people’s experiences would no longer do. I had to have my own experience, my own vis-à-vis with the abyss. All in and committed, I was ready to sacrifice everything, myself included to get what I wanted.
The hunger never goes away I’ve learned. In fact, it gets worse. How can one hope to know the unknowable? It eats at you and consumes you until you are no more; without identity, you’re now Hunger incarnate. It’s only then that one understands even though one has no roof under which to stand. Similarly, without a ground to stand on, one is left more confused than ever. That’s when the strange yet familiar feeling re-emerges, reassuring me that Hunger can never be hungry; just like fire can never burn itself.
Living in the gray area of life with this new insight has made the sting of hunger not as biting. In fact, the feeling of hunger has become the evidence of its opposite. This week’s song Nigredo (Second Act) is my attempt to capture the bittersweet triumph of boxing my shadow.